Prayers of a Prophetess
by PixieGirl17
Summary: Just the ponderings of Meruhesae...


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Demon Diaries

Prayers of a Prophetess

For **bluebliss86**

_There was a knock on the door but Meruhesae already knew who it was. It wasn't because she was an oracle but it was just the way that he knocked on the door. Also she could sense the fact that he was a demon. Humans didn't give off the same aura he was giving off. If you had the ability to do so you could sense a demon lord from a mile away and considering what she had heard recently she knew sooner or later he would come to see her about all this. After all, who else could he come to see about this?_

"_Hello Krayon." She greeted. _

_She heard a chuckle from behind her. "I should have known that you would know it was me."_

"_Of course."_

_Of course. Of course she would know these things. She was expected to. Who else was there to learn such things and have to have such burdens on their shoulders. She had to be the one to know of such things so that others would never have to learn of those dark corners whether it was of another persons soul or of another version of the future self of the world. She was the one who had to know of such things. Even when people didn't think or consider this, it was rather unfair that one person had to be burdened with such knowledge._

"_So what can I do for you?"_

"_You know why I'm here." He replied in straight-forward manner. _

_She giggled. "Of course. Please have a seat. So small talk or straight to business?"_

"_I think I can tolerate a little small talk...After all we haven't seen one another in a while."_

"_Hmm. It has been a while, Krayon."_

~ (***) ~

What is it like to know the future?

It was a question which people frequently asked Meruhesae. In fact it seemed to be the only thing they asked her besides what their own future was. Of course it went after latter. They always came first before regarding the person who brought them the good tidings or bad news. It wasn't just humans who came to ask for their readings. There were those of her own kind who asked her from time to time. People were under the impression that humans were the only beings who were curious, but when you didn't know things like the future you were always going to be wondering what it was like to know that 'forbidden' knowledge. Even if you were a god. _What is it like to be a prophet? What is it like to see what has not yet passed? What is it like to have such a gift? _A gift. It was never a burden it was always a gift to everyone else. They only thought that way because then they wouldn't have to come to her and pay her for her services they could just go out and find out for themselves. Although most of the time she had to wait for them to come to her not the other way round. It wasn't like when she closed her eyes she was suddenly in this corridor of shelves where there were names where you could find folders and in these folders there were the list of things which were going to happen in their lives. It wasn't like that.

If they really got to her she would actually tell them this and then this would be followed by a question to what actually happened when she had a vision. What a meaningless question, not to mention one asked all too often. If she had a gold coin for every time she had been asked this she would be richer than any king who had ever lived or will live, all put together. Was this the product of curiosity? More like nosy neighbours who gossiped about you as soon as you shut the door more like. Once she told them more they just kept asking more questions to the point where she had to give some sort of profound but vague answer which would shut them up. It was the oldest trick in the book but it was always guaranteed that it would work. Most of the time. The only bonus in having to do all of this was the money. Then again she had no need for money. She didn't need a currency for the luxuries that she had or the life that she led. She didn't need to have a care in the world except for the prophecies which would have to be told. It was just a 'coincidence' that the people who it concerned just 'happened' to arrive on her doorstep the next morning. She would give the charming answer that it was a wonderful gift. Most of the time she took pleasure in the fact that she could know of things others did not about their own destinies. However there was always a flip side to all gifts.

Even though she really didn't care much for the person sitting in front of her she still had those moments when she felt a little bit sorry for them. And she was always surprised for every single time that she felt pity towards them. Whether she liked them or not, she never thought pity was something she had to give. Sometimes she was able to give hope to those who could find in no other place except in her kind words. But then again she always found it a little bit comical that so many people were so dependent upon what she would say. Hope was such a useless gift but it was all she had to give to those who had so little. Hope was a very lofty thing to depend upon though. It was better to root your efforts and all your possibilities in reality and do the best with what you had. Then again that was easy for a luxurious prophetess to say. She was so rich that she had no need of their money but they gave it to her anyway just out of sheer thanks and because those who claimed to be prophets and some that actually were requested payments. Because she was the very best she of course must've required money but without having to ask. This wasn't the case. She didn't really care either way if they gave her money or not. As surprising as many of her peers would find that considering her lavish lifestyle.

What they didn't know was that all of that were just tokens and gifts from many admirers she had over the years. It didn't even occur to them that she might be a little older than she seemed and she wasn't talking a few years or even a few decades. More like a few centuries. She was a few centuries old after all. They were so used to this convention that they presumed that she was the same. She just said nothing against it. All she could do was mourn for their ignorance and she wasn't just talking about them paying more than they needed to, if at all. She had no need for their pity money. If a blind, mute beggar came in pleading for a prophecy she would gladly do so. She had learnt in her early years that it was one of the roles of an oracle. There were those who posed as oracles and gave false prophecies for people who had very little money, but people sort them out to give themselves hope. She simply had to follow suit but also at the same time set the example, in hope, that soon convention would once again follow tradition. She hoped that once people dropped these horrible practices of pretending they had the vision or that they stopped pretending that they didn't everything would be as they once were. She never had anyone teach her any of these things. She had to learn these things in the hardest ways of all; By herself. She had to learn the tricks and turns of this deep, dark world of prophecy alone.

She was one of the first oracles, however they were now beginning to being forgotten. Even if they knew deep down in their hearts that what they were being told was false. Despite this business never stopped running nor did it decrease in popularity. People would flock to her and ask her whether there would be any hope of their days of suffering ending any time soon. Sometimes she would give them a cruel but generous lie and tell them yes. It was the least she could do sometimes.

If she really felt like absolving all blame from the pain that she caused people sometimes she liked to say that sometimes it depended on the question people were asking her when it came to the answer which she gave them. Some questions were actually worth asking than others. Sometimes she would wonder why so many people came to the lengths to finding her and asking her such questions. Some were questions where it would be more productive to venture out into the realm of logic which, if people really made an effort, wasn't too hard to find. They asked her very trivial questions about their future, like if a certain man loved them or if they had pure intentions. Or if they were going to have a good crop that year...Okay, perhaps she was being a little bit cynical and uptight since for some people that did have a lot to do with their livelihoods but in the grand scheme of things it really didn't matter. People stopped asking the really big questions like...

Why are we here? Why were humans made? People just care about themselves know. People have become inherently selfish. Or just simply didn't admit to it. Meruhesae could at least admit to being selfish most of the time but very few people followed suit. Instead they completed avoided even acknowledging it and went about their merry way with bothering her with their stupid questions. Meruhesae gave them vague answers so that they would leave her alone and would pray to the Gods that they would never bother her again. However, she knew that it was hardly worth the effort in even doing that), but as she would watch them walk away she would wonder why they were so determined to tie their destinies to another person or to how well a plant would grow and cultivate. People were so determined to lay all their hopes on something else rather than taking control and being independent. Being the ones who made things happen and to be able to stand at the end of it knowing that it was all their doing and not something or someone else's. Something which was so temporal and trivial.

Why can't they take hold of their own destinies? She never lived like that and her life...She had nothing but the futures of others to think about. How bloody depressing. She had no future but the present which weighed down upon her. She hated it. She hated every moment of it. She wasn't afraid of incurring the wrath of the Gods or whoever would be displeased with this revelation but the only thing she would say in reply was that they should have given her a kinder gift. They should try and experience a day in the life of her own. She had to admit though things could be worse. She could be a demon lord, every day of that would really weigh down her conscience. She could be out in the deserts or living in really horrible circumstances, she could have had to have a really austere way of living like all those monks in the temples. She was happy with how that side of her life had turned out. That was what everyone wanted at the end of the day. They wanted some form of comfort with either what you had in a life or the advantages of ones life which makes of the lack of in another aspect of it. Everyone was different so therefore it took a different way of life or answer to make something happy, rather than concluding the only answer it love. She lived a life which was on her terms and no one else's and funnily enough life was simpler. She had had her affairs in the past but she never planned on tying herself to another man's will. She had her obligations and she couldn't stand having another jailer.

She was a free spirit by nature. Some people, old friends even praised her for this attribute and she had to admit it when she smiled, it was a genuine smile of thanks since it was something she secretly prided in herself as well. If she was like many girls nowadays was trapped in some arranged marriage then she would either be one of those wives who had multiple affairs until she was diagnosed as a nymphomaniac, run away or murder her husband. Or all of the above. She simply couldn't be confined to one place or one person for a given amount of time. She just had to keep wondering onto the next place where she was supposed to be. The most important part being that she didn't know _where _that was.

~ (***) ~

"_Admit it, Meruhesae. You get a little kick out of it." Krayon chided. _

_Meruhesae raised her eyebrow. "About what?"_

"_About being able to see into the future of course. I bet its so wonderful being able to tease all those people hoping for a good fortune for their children or a good husband." He chuckled. "Only to find themselves disappointed."_

"_Of course." She replied in a dead-panned voice. _

"_Why do I feel like I'm not convinced?" He demanded. _

_She had to hide a smirk behind her fist. Of course she wasn't being entirely truthful. That was a small part of her job after all. She had to lie sometimes. Even though she thought some people deserved it, that didn't mean that she enjoyed seeing people suffer either. Another thing you had to learn to do is be able to instantly read into whether they needed good or bad news, regardless if it was the truth or not, because people didn't come to her for their futures to be told to them, they came to her to seek some solace from what they couldn't find from their own lives. They came for a lie._

~ (***) ~

There had been times, in her early years when she was went around the world, wandering about the earth to find the answers from the brightest, wisest of minds to pass on the secrets of the art which she would have to take on for all eternity. She was never this proud. She knew that she needed to nourish her mind in order to go forth and flourish in what she had been assigned to do with her eternity. Allowing her mind to be freed, so that she could understand the dynamics, the possibilities, the philosophy of the gift that she had been given. She always had a free mind and it was essential for someone with her gift to have a free mind. A free mind needed a lot of space to stretch its legs. It needed to be free in order to fly through the mists of time and reach out for the answers which could not be grasped in the present. They needed to be fed with more than the obedient, simple mind was given. It was gift which needed to be held in the hands of a superior mind. She needed to be able to tell those concerned whether there was a possibility for them to change their fate and whether it would be wise to stay where they were.

Although sometimes it was better to lie to people and in some ways it wasn't. You just had to the have the ability to know which was the best thing to do in a certain or with a certain person. The whole affair of getting one's fortune was more complex than most people would think it to be. But when it came to her doing the latter it was mainly because she knew she would feel guilty for telling them the truth. But then again either way whatever she did she felt guilty for not doing the opposite so sometimes there were cases where she told the truth. Either way she was screwed as much they were in the end. Since when the hour of their death came along it could be seen in some ways a release from that pain which they had to live with. It was rather ironic because in the moment of their passing into the next life was the only moment in their lives when some form of mercy was being imposed upon them. It was funny really, when it was mortals who seemed to be the most frequent of visitors opposed to immortals when their lives were relatively sort in comparison to those such as herself. Their entire lifetime was a split second in comparison to her lifespan...However long that was going to be. To be frank she didn't want to know. Sometimes she wondered and wished herself to fade away.

People thought that living forever was the dream which anyone would be lucky enough to have at the offering of such a gift. Although because it came hand in hand with such responsibility and was weighed down by the worst of lonelinesses it could also be considered a curse. Only those who had been through living for centuries eventually realised that it got tiring despite the fact that all mortals dreamed to be able to live forever along with being forever youthful but lets face it you always wished for what you didn't have. Sometimes these prophecies were too much to live for when so many others would wish also for such a gift so that they would know whether they needed to worry or not be anxious. If she thought about it she really wasn't living for anything. It was too much for one mind to carry but then as an immortal she had to push these thoughts away. Other times she was honest and told them no. Sometimes she felt it was too cruel and pointless to lie to those who wanted the truth. When it was the case when she could tell the truth and give them hope which was something that is very rare and was a glimmer of something which could be found in the distance as well as within her heart. Meruhesae wasn't a sentimental soul but in those moments, in all the countless centuries she had lived she felt a little surge of happiness for those who could actually hope for something better in their lives.

However if there was one person she couldn't have a single prediction for it was for herself and she was all the more glad of it. She thought it the only mercy the Gods gave her. When it came to her own destiny, that was the only thing Meruhesae knew she could have a little comfort in not knowing. She loved living in the present, after centuries of being burdened with the future it was nice not having to dwell upon her own past or contemplate her future was something which she thanked, ironically enough, the Gods for. She didn't like to have to thank the Gods for very much since they damned her existence, considering what she was but she knew that there must've been someone who chose to give her these gifts, even if her presumption was false. When she was plagued by something which she knew all too much about it would sometimes give her restless nights considering she would have to be burdened with the responsibility of knowing something which could determine the fate of their world. She hated it when she had too much responsibility hanging on her shoulders. Like she said before, she was a free spirit, she needed that kind of thing in her life. She just wanted to be left alone quietly with her visions and her curses. It was bad enough that she had all of that bothering and interrupting her thoughts everyday.

It was like having someone continuously coming round to your house, banging on your door and shouting things at you but you never knew who it was until the next day after apologising for behaving like a drunken idiot. It just came and went when it pleased, or when the Gods pleased if they were really responsible for all of this. She would have been happy as a mortal opposed to this. She never liked to be burdened with such things. Those were the worst visions to have because she had all these prophesied heroes banging on her door demanding answers like she was some all-knowing being which she was to some extent...But she didn't know everything. And there was all that talk of morals and justice when she refused to answer their questions and they called her selfish and she didn't deny it which annoyed them even more. Heroes were all the same, that was another thing which got boring. She was someone who lived for pleasure, something which very few of her kind had the luxury of having. It was something she simply didn't welcome into her life. Already with the responsibility of the future weighing down on her shoulders it was enough to have to be burdened by such knowledge. She knew very little of her past. Or she knew some vague story about it.

There were so many things which people thought, so many speculations behind her past and parentage. Although some were content with her just appearing for no apparent reason. She would have preferred such a reason for her existence. Some said that she was the daughter of a demon and a queen. Others said she was the daughter of a priestess and a king. The truth was no one was ever to know, least of all herself. She knew that she was better off not knowing. Sometimes the past could be worse than your future. She didn't want to know. She had at least one sentiment she shared with mortals. Some things were better off not knowing. People dreamed of the future and were in a hurry to discard the past and with good reason. However as light-hearted as she could be there was also a dark side to the life which she had to lead. As most people would expect, being the most reliable and powerful prophetess it was expected of her to have some level of responsibility. Or as she called it, burden. Because it really was. The answer to a happy life was living without responsibility but the Gods were such old, grumpy bastards that they decided to introduce this little thing called responsibility and they thought it would give people purpose and it would cultivate and purify their souls. It would test and redeem them...When eventually it would just become one, tedious trial after another.

~ (***) ~

"_It just seems so strange for someone like you to see it as something to...I don't know...hate." Krayon carried on. _

_She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "Well I suppose I'm unpredictable like that." She replied carelessly._

_He eyed her suspiciously. "Maybe...Or Maybe you just don't like it any more. I can imagine that it would get a little boring by now. I bet you can even tell what a person wants to know as soon as they walk through the door. Not just because you're an oracle but just from the look on their faces..."_

_She chuckled. "I'll give you that. I suppose some people are just easy to read like but...It doesn't mean I enjoy it, Krayon...Besides...I know the reason why you're here and you are in position to criticise others considering what you want to know..."_

~ (***) ~

After being annoyed by the fact that she was bothered continuously because of this, soon it would lead to her revealing from time to time the dark side of her personality. All demons and angels a like had a good and bad side. On the surface of things she could seem charming and polite but that was just because it was the courteous thing to do when it came to welcoming visitors. She would even be rather maternal to some of the people who came to her asking for guidance and advise. But then there could be times when there were those who did not heed her warnings or even some others who did not come to her for help but instead would ridicule her. Mostly her peers rather than humans but that did happen sometimes...

They would even question her purpose or her existence. They would look at her and think her as one of those pretend oracles because of her strange, exotic appearance. There were some who no longer saw the need for an oracle. She didn't mind this concept since no one would bother her unless it came to the point where they were ridiculing her and other things about her person and lifestyle. If it came to the point when they were questioning her existence in the sense of intentionally insulting her that was when she got offended. It was the easiest way to provoke her. There was nothing wrong with asking the 'big questions' but when you're asking questions like that to somebodies face it was a bit rude. She was one of the elders and knew she deserved a place in this world. It was one thing for the Gods to state this, or just imply this simply because of the nature of her existence and the nature of theirs. However for one of her fellow kind or a human to state this was going beyond the line of manners.

She would see dark tidings of the future and was obligated to pass them along to those whom it concerned. She was more than happy to pass this message from the future on to those who thought they could get away with ridiculing her. Sometimes she didn't want to other times she found quite a lot of pleasure in doing so. It just depended on those who it concerned. Even if they did not know it was coming toward them. Sometimes it was better just to hint at it so then they would be frightened for however long it took to wonder about what was actually going to befall upon them. Sometimes she took opportunistic pleasure in passing these messages from the future along, especially if it had been someone whom had scorned her in the past. She would whisper into their ear and torment them with words which would soon manifest into dreams and then would eventually consume them so when the hours of their demise would arrive they would be ready for it and would not be able to contain their dismay at the horror which their imagination couldn't ready them for.

One day she would have to sound the trumpet when she would not be the one to judge mortals for their deeds and what their future would be. She would not be the one to judge. In fact, she may even be judged herself. Something which would be rather strange for her, but nonetheless inevitable. She could just kick back and relax while she heard someone listing her crime or actions and then eventually come to the conclusions as to whether she was overall a good or bad person. She would no longer be able to give any warning for that day until that final hour when she would have to do one last thing. The moment when it would all be over she had to admit it would be a relief. She would no longer be the prophetess. She would be nothing. Her contract would then be terminated. Her responsibilities ended. What then? She did not know. It was better not to think about it. Just enjoy the present while it lasted. Even though she waited for that day without any sense of dread, she still felt a little uneasy at the thought of no longer having a purpose. She was so used to people depending on her with concerns to the future. It was the only reason as to why she was allowed to exist.

She hoped that one day there could be some form of redemption in this gift that she had been given. She hoped for so many things. She hoped for some ease of the mind and that for a few centuries there would be no monumental, colossus destinies to be fulfilled or to lose any sleep over because she couldn't be bothered to co-operate with the latest hero the Gods decided to churn out. She hoped that she didn't have to constantly think about the man she had loved and lost so many years ago. She hoped that the day would come when she no longer had any reason to hope any more. Hope was under-rated. It was a waste of energy. It came to nothing. It was a concept which served no purpose other than escapism. Although she did wish for redemption. Not just for herself but for the world. For all its foolishness, its need to depend on things other than themselves. She wished that one day she could atone this very thought, that was so cruel and destructive that it could break the hearts of millions.

~ (***) ~

_The silence seemed to hang in the room for an eternity. She could feel his heart being weighed down by this overwhelming anxiety. She knew that this was something which he had been thinking about for longer than anything. This had spawned out of something which she never thought would be possible for anyone to experience. She never thought either Eclipse or Krayon would be inflicted by such emotions but here they were._

"_What do you mean?" He asked innocently._

_She smirked. She liked how Krayon was behaving like a nervous teenage boy right now. So he was going to be all in denial about it? Of course he would be, he was probably hoping that she really didn't know why he was here and would be able to downplay the seriousness of the situation. Most __people were so comfortable with being with her but he seemed to, literally, be on the edge of his seat. _

"_You came here for a reason and we both know why so you just want to know..."_

_She glanced up and smiled. He had that look on his face. He had that same look they all had when they were about to hear what she was to tell them. It was filled with anticipation and dread, all mixed into one. His heart was beating and felt like it was going to explode unless she didn't tell him at this very moment. He even looked like she was considering to strangle her if she kept him in the wind for much longer._

~ (***) ~

So...What was it like to be a prophet?

Her only answer, her only honest answer that could give would be...that it was nothing special and nothing to be desired...


End file.
